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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 13, Episode 4
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fourth episode of the thirteenth series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * RR - Romesh Ranganathan * HC - Hal Cruttenden * AP - Andy Parsons * SC - Susan Calman * RB - Rob Beckett Topics Things A Sports Commentator Would Never Say AP - Apologies. The sport you are watching is apparently squash, and not as I said earlier, "tennis in prison." HD - Oh, I am sorry. You don't need a lip reader to see what he said after that challenge. He said "Fuck off!" SC - 180! This man is rubbish at golf. HC - Ne-ow. Ne-ow. Ne-ow. He's clearly hurt his knee. RB - Italy have had three shots in the second half: Tetanus, rabies, and hepatitis. RR - And here come the cocks-less four, so the women's doubles can begin. HD - And as we wait for the final of the Butterfly, it's hard to believe that just yesterday all these competitors were still caterpillars. AP - And there's a new event here at the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow. Yes, get ready for Shouting At Your Own Reflection In A Shop Window. RB - Wow, unbelievable service! Three full bars on T-Mobile! HC - And there's been a nasty clash in the Nigeria - Brazil game" Lime green with yellow. (groans) AP - For those of you who want to watch the equestrian events, get your butler to press the red button now. HD - (German accent) Welcome to the Nazi pro-am golf tournament. Hitler, as usual, is in ze bunker. RB - Wayne Rooney has managed the full 90. Previously his eldest was 76. SC - And the queen takes the bishop. This is turning out to be quite the royal wedding. HC - And Suarez is being substituted. He's not injured, he's just full. RR - What an incredible back-hand there from the Qatari President. Unlikely Lines From A Thriller HC - We meet at last Mr Bond. I'm from the Child Support Agency. RR - I will look for you, I will find you, and when I do, you count to ten and try and find me. RB - The story about the man that was killed getting a blow job: Die Hard. HD - I have your wife. And unless you give me $15,000,000 I will give her back to you. SC - Someone in here is the killer. Is it John? Is it Sally? Or is it that massive bear? RB - (Rubs finger in mouth) Yeah, it's definitely semen. HD - Okay, let me talk to the Navy seals. (makes seal noise) SC - They were strangers on a train and they remained that way because they were British. RB - Um, the cause of death is unknown but his last words were "PARACHUTES ARE FOR PUSSIES!" AP - There's a mole in our organisation. Toad, Ratty, Badger, any idea who it might be? HD - You are too late. Too late, look at the timer. In 15 seconds, my ready meal will be ready. HC - Say hello to my little friend, Alan! "Hello" AP - The truth? You can't handle the truth! So thank you for signing up to the Mail Online website. RR - And that was the horrible moment that the comedian realised it wasn't a good thing to look like an Asian Rolf Harris. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See